Mak betul

"But you never told me that your Mak is not actually your mother"
She was surprised to find out that Mak is not my biological mother.

"So, mak betul you kat mana?," she asked.

Mak betul?
As in my actual mother or my biological mother?

"Mak tu mak betul I lah. Ummi tu mak kandung I."

She was stunned.

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I don't know why most people co-relate stepmothers with evilness. I guess that's the reason I don't go around telling others that Mak is my stepmother. I especially dislike it when people make comment such as "tapi Mak you tak macam mak tiri pun".

What does that mean? Does that mean that Mak, as a stepmother must be evil like those stepmothers in folklores? And it's universal too - stepmothers have been described negatively be it in "Cinderella" or "Bawang Putih Bawang Merah".

The stereotyped stepmothers are supposed to be mean, jealous of the child or the child's former mother, unfair in treatment and basically bad, bad, bad. So much so that the Malays describe the act of discriminating as "menganak tirikan"

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Muslims have been taught to make do'a for our parents after solat since we were small. The common do'a means "Oh Allah, forgive me for all my sins and forgive all my parents' sins, and show Your mercy upon them as they have shown their mercy for me when I was little"

In my do'a, I used "waliwalidiina" (parents), instead of "waliwalidaina" (two parents). Because I want to make do'a not only for my two biological parents, but also to extend the same love and courtesy to my non-biological parent, Mak. It is a 'standing order' of some sort - that when I make do'a for "waliwalidiina' then I pray that the do'a will also includes Mak.

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What Is A Mother?

A mother is someone to shelter and guide us,
To love us, whatever we do,
With a warm understanding and infinite patience
And wonderful gentleness, too.
How often a mother means swift reassurance
In soothing our small, childish fears,
How tenderly mothers watch over their children
And treasure them all through the years!
The heart of a mother is full of forgiveness
For any mistake, big or small,
And generous always in helping her family,
Whose needs she has placed above all.
A mother can utter a word of compassion
And make all our cares fall away,
She can brighten a home with the sound of her laughter
And make life delightful and gay.
A mother possesses incredible wisdom
And wonderful insight and skill
In each human heart is that one special corner
Which only a mother can fill!

- Katherine Nelson Davis

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If you asked me, the image of the mother (as referred to in the poem) in my mind is Mak.

If you asked me, my "mak betul" is Mak.
To me, she is my actual mother, who did and still do, all the mothering (and grandmothering too)